Why I want a library

I've had this blog planned out in my head for a while.  I was going to lay out point by point why owning books and having a personal library is a more sophisticated way of reading; but as with most things, I don't fully know what I think about a topic until I sit down and write about it.  I've found that I can't argue it's better to own books any better than a stamp collector can lay out why it's better to own 1000's of stamps.  They just love stamps.  I love books.  It could be the world's shortest blog.  The more interesting thing for me to explore is why I own a library.  Or, in more descriptive terms, why I must own a library and why checking out books from the public library makes me feel so flimsy.


CS Lewis told me as a doubting freshman in college, "unless you teach your moods 'where they get off,' you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion."  The moment I read that, my spiritual life turned a corner.  I could finally tell the questioning voice in my head that he was a spoiled child and somewhat of a doofus.  It was a glorious moment of freedom. To just give that book away feels like some sort of betrayal.   I want Mere Christianity on my shelf to remind me of that moment.  I want to be able to pull it off the shelf again and read it out loud.   I want to be able to share that quote with a friend who wants to talk Lewis.  I want, at any hour of the day, to be able to pull it off the shelf and read it, cover to cover.  


Of course not every book was as formative as Mere Christianity.   I keep my Daniel Boone biography simply because I read that he killed 80 bears in one summer.  I like to be reminded that such people exist.  Not really a life changer, but the meaning is there.  Some books were favorites at different points of my childhood, some just made me laugh, some thrilled me like jumping out of an airplane, some have guided and shaped my marriage.  Getting rid of a book that has meaning just feels like what I experienced didn't matter, like I'm betraying my heart.  And so maybe at it's core its my little way of saying my heart matters.  A monument to all the times my heart leapt a little, cried a little, or beat a little faster on a random Tuesday night.


I'm somewhat of a boring dinner party host.  Small talk is lawkward for me. Lucky for me, wife is glorious in this role and can engage with most people on about any subject.  I'm trying to learn from her.  However,  I do love to talk books (surprise, surprise).  I love when people start looking at my library and suddenly they are telling me why they can't stand Hemingway, or ask me, "Who the heck is Rick Bass and why do you have twenty-five of his books?"  The other day, I was over at a friend's house and while looking at his bookshelf, we mapped out the typical reading journey of most 25-35 year old, evangelical males.  Started with some Lewis, progressed to more modern day, Fresh wind, Fresh Fire perhaps. Then John Piper, then Wild at Heart and other Eldridge books.   Then came Blue Like Jazz and Velvet Elvis and that's about where both of us veered from the evangelical reading list.  It was a great nostalgic conversation that took place only because someone had a library.  Never would have happened otherwise.  And this is reason #2 on why I want a library.  It allows me an opportunity to talk books.  Plus, guys just like have something to look at and talk about other than themselves while hosting a dinner party.  Girls, having a bookshelf in the living room might help your husband relate with dinner guests (My wife is nodding her head).

As much as I love looking at past books, I also love stealing glances at the unread section of my library.  Oh, the pleasure of looking at the next book to read!  If you had a ticket to travel anywhere in the world wouldn't you put a map up in your room?  Maybe thumbtack a few postcards up of the places at the top of your list?  Yes, yes you would.  How dull would it be to say, "Ahh, but I can just look at those pictures whenever I go to  ______(Insert here, internet, library, photo gallery, museum, computer etc.).  I want to look at those next books, think about them, wrestle in my mind a little bit where I'm going next. 
Most people, however, would look at my reasons thus far and say, "So why not start by checking a book out from the library and just buy the books that are 'meaningful?'"  I don't have a great answer other than, "Well, I don't want to."  It feels like a summer camp romance.  I can't give my heart to something that I know is leaving in a week.  I learned that lesson in 6th grade at Camp Wildwood with that silly red-headed girl.  In my weird mind it lacks commitment, it lacks resolve.  Plus, I have such a hard time buying a book that I've already read.  I'm always thinking, "But you haven't read that book over there,  let's buy it instead!" And then I never get around to buying it at all unless it's on the clearance rack at Half Priced Books.  No, I've learned that books rules are opposite the rules of dating:  1) Dive in fully and quickly with anything that stirs your heart and 2) cut ties quickly if you get bored for any reason.


Last and probably least, I do want the ability to loan my books to people.  If I check a book out at the library, I can't give it to someone that I know will like it.  There is a reason this is last.  I use to kid myself when I argued this as the top reason for owning a library.  But this is a little white lie. I don't loan  many books because as Rick Bass pointed out, "....for the morons and diarrhea people who do not return books but treat them instead as decks of cards, pencils, chewing gum.  Oh may I borrow a piece of paper? And then they never return them  (Mississippi, The Watch.)."  


The truth is, I've been that diarrhea person who doesn't return books.  Which is why I don't just give my books away willy-nilly.  I also don't want to be a book pusher.  It's hard because, as you can see, I am passionate about books.  If someone shows even the slightest interest in Rick Bass, I'd likely slip three of them into their car while they weren't looking.  I want the freedom to lend books, but the truth is, I do it very rarely.
 
Just humor me and picture this for a moment: It's a bitter winter evening.  You've eaten dinner and the dishes are put away. A day of work is over.  The sun set a couple of hours ago.  In the front of the house, there is a room the size of a large, one car garage. Inside this room, a real wood fire place crackles, making the dark wood floors warm enough to walk on with bare feet.   From the floor to the ten foot ceilings are built in book shelves, also in a rich, dark wood.  A ladder rests on one side of the bookshelves, inviting you to come explore the top shelves.  Are there secret books up there?  In front of the fire (Did I mention the fire?  And that it's crackling?), two recling leather chairs sit on a large rug with an end table in between them.  A simple desk near the back wall is dedicated to writing.  There is no TV in this room, no internet.  Multitasking seems silly here.  People come here to learn the lost art of  reading by fire light.  The shelves are lined with with wonderful memories as well as the excitement of the unread books.  In here, husbands get down right chatty with dinner guests.  Books here are borrowed with ease but people respect this room enough to realize it's important to return them. 

I know, some of you aren't seeing it. My wife will always love the public library.  She says things like, "But just look at all those books!  You can read any of them, anytime you want to, it's almost limitless!"


I agree, my love.  


And that's exactly why I want one.


Happy reading,


-td